Codependency in Relationships
Dependent or Independent
Where it began
We often hear and use the terms codependent or codependency within in the context of unhealthy relationships in which one partner is engaged in addictive behaviors. These terms began in the world of addiction treatment, in which one partner is abusing substances while the other partner’s entire world circles around the addicted partner’s life. This sort of relationship dynamic creates an environment in which the person engaged in negative behaviors becomes the focus of the relationship at the cost of the co-dependent partner.
...the pain that comes from loving someone who's in trouble can be profound.”
― Melody Beattie
A more generalized definition
Over time, terms like codependency and codependent have widened to include a multitude of maladaptive relationship behaviors in which one partner caters to the other at their own expense. Not all relationships include addictions in the traditional sense which can cause confusion with the use of these terms. How do we recognize these unhealthy behaviors in relationships that are void of addiction?
When you say Yes to others make sure you are not saying No to yourself. Paulo Cohelo
A shift in focus
Notice the change in wording? The term codependent, focuses on the label and ignores the behaviors that coincide with unhealthy relationship patterns. To change our behavior means we must know what behaviors need to be changed.
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new- Socrates
Focusing on the word “codependency” very much focuses our attention on the other person in the relationship. In addition, the word has morphed over the years so much that it has almost taken a negative and blaming tone. No wants to be labeled!
Long gone are the days, or at least they should be, in which professionals label people by their behaviors or diagnosis. The best place to start when helping individuals develop the skills to establish healthy relationship patterns, is to focus on changing behavior.